Eat Your Damn Soup
Pregnant? Lonely? Cher? Yes, soup for all of you.
Happy times my little worldly dumplings,
They say, when life gives you lemons, make lemon bars. And when life makes your computer commit suicide out of nowhere a week before a huge deadline, draw your social strategy presentation on the walls and write your newsletter on the notes on your smart-ish phone.
This year has thrown us so many curve balls that we are ducking, pivoting, and playing dead even at life’s most normal disasters like planned obsolescence in technology and the horrors of the holidays. Who knows what else can go wrong, but I say, let’s applaud ourselves for resilience, celebrate the small stuff, and go forward into the unknown - if we can do what we did and survive, we can survive anything.
Yes, the way we celebrate may look different this year, but the homeyness, loneliness, cozy comforts, latent anxieties, uncomfortable conversations and sur la table indulgences are there, even this year, where we least expect them.
Just look in your pantry. A can of beans and an old onion is just a chili incarnate. A pack of stale Oreos and some yogurt is a for-one holiday blizzard.
Maybe this year it’s about focusing on what we have in good and bad. Let’s clean out our fridges and make a stock with all the mish-mash that this year gave us, hoping the good flavors over powder the bad, and if nothing else, at least start the new year with a glistening fridge.
I hope that these last weeks of the year you can indulge in the the exhaustion of it all, and eventually, when it’s time, pass the fuck out, full of soupy dreams of our future gatherings and giggles, trips and tromps, romps and raves, fucks and fun, delicious meals and lucrative deals.
“What’s a good cure for the lonely holiday blues?”
Not to get Jewish on y’all, but tis the season of kvetching and slurping soup in woe. And I truly believe that no matter where you come from or what type of grandmother you have, soup is the damn answer to everything.
My two loves are matzoh ball and Pazole, and I’m going to give you a bastardized version of both, dear lonely boy, made from one super simple stock.
The thing about both these soups is that they are easy but they take time, so it’s a good excuse to get stoned and clean or watch Moonstruck (again) or run a bath or whatever it is that quells those feeling of aloneness. The stock starts with a whole chicken that I don’t feel any shame getting from the grocery store prepared foods section. Both recipes are intuitive, and can be manipulated to your personal taste, because hey, the best part of eating alone is dousing everything in lime and hot sauce and no one looking at you like you are a psychopath with no taste buds.
If you can’t choose between these soups, half the stock and make fucking both you sexy crazy soup person, or freeze them for another lonely meal.
The Stock
Whole rotisserie chicken, meat removed and set aside (or you can make one yourself, I love Ina Garten’s recipe).1 Celery stalk, chopped
1 Carrot, chopped
1 Onion, chopped
Salt
Pepper
4 Cups water
Put the chicken carcass, vegetables, and water together in a big pot. Add in lots of salt and pepper.
Boil on low, uncovered, for at least an 2 hours or until the stock has reduced by half. Strain out all the vegetables and chicken bones, just keeping the liquid.
Put the stock the fridge while you prepare everything else for you soup, this allows the schmaltz to rise to the top and be easier to use for your matzoh balls or skim off before you start the pazole.
Matzoh ball soup
1 cup matzo meal (not matzo ball mix), or 1 cup finely ground matzo boards
¼ cup finely chopped chives
1 ¾teaspoons kosher salt, plus more to taste
5 large eggs
⅓ cup chicken fat (skimmed off the top of your stock. You can use grapeseed oil or unsalted butter, melted instead)
¼ cup club soda or seltzer
3 to 4 celery stalks, thinly sliced on a bias, plus any leaves
½ cup chopped dill leaves
Freshly ground black pepper
This is Alison Roman’s recipe, which I love, but if you have canceled her, go ahead and google another recipe from a chef that’s less… problematic?
Combine matzo meal, chives and 1 3/4 teaspoons kosher salt in a medium bowl. Using a fork, incorporate eggs until well blended. Add chicken fat, followed by club soda, mixing until no lumps remain. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until mixture is firm and fully hydrated, at least 2 hours (and up to 24 hours).
Bring a large pot of well-salted water to a boil. Using your hands, roll matzo ball mixture into balls slightly smaller than the size of a ping pong ball (about 1 1/4-inch in diameter), placing them on a plate or parchment lined baking sheet until all the mixture is rolled (you should have about 24 matzo balls).
Add matzo balls to the boiling water and cook until floating, puffed and cooked through, 10 to 12 minutes. (You can always sacrifice one, plucking it from the broth and cutting it in half to check that it’s cooked through. The texture should be uniform in color and texture, and the balls shouldn’t be dense or undercooked in the center.) Using a slotted spoon, transfer the matzo balls to the chicken broth.
Add celery (and some of the picked chicken meat, if you desire) and season again with salt before ladling into bowls, topping with dill, celery leaves and a crack of freshly ground pepper.
Pazole
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
Your chicken broth
3 cups water
1 teaspoon crumbled dried oregano
2 teaspoons salt
4 tablespoons chili powder, or to taste
3 cups white hominy, rinsed and drained
Tortilla chips, strips, or shells for garnish
Cabbage, thinly cut, for garnish.
Radishes, thinly sliced, for garnish
Lime wedges for garish
Cilantro for garnish
Avocado chunks, for garnish
Heat canola oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Cook and stir onion and garlic until soft and transparent, about 5 minutes.
Add in your shredded chicken to the skillet. Stir in the chicken broth, water, oregano, salt, and chili powder. Taste and if you want it a bit spicier, I love to add a fuck ton of Mexican red hot sauce, like Cholula. Reduce heat to low, cover, and cook about 90 minutes.
Stir in the hominy and cook until tender, about 15 minutes more. Taste to adjust seasonings, adding more salt and chili powder, if desired.
Serve in soup bowls with crushed tortilla chips, a hand full of cabbage, lime, cilantro, avocado, and radishes.
“Im pregnant and therefore SOBER. How do I get through dealing with *complicated* family members.”
I don’t know about you guys, but I am counting the days until I can use pregnancy as an excuse to be the raging pickle eating monster I’ve always felt I was at my core. Now is your time to USE IT.
Get high off the ability to rub your stomach in the middle of an awkward conversation and scream WE NEED MORE PIE.
In a horrible hot mess of drunks? No one has ever been mad at the pregnant lady for going to bed early ( aka running away into the night blasting Tracy Chapman on the car stereo and getting a drive through McFlurry).
If that doesn’t work, there are so many actually delicious zero alcohol drinks these days that feel like a cocktail but without all the bad, plus they have some calming herbs. Some good ones on my radar that are safe for pregnant folks (though maybe double check this with your doc): TÖST sparkling tea that seems comparable with a festive bubbly, Monday zero-alcohol Gin that people like with tonic, Ritual zero-proof spirits that include Whiskey and Tequila alternatives, and HOP, an alcohol free “hoppy refresher’ by Lagunitas Brewing that my dear friend and amazing hostess got me hooked on. It tastes like a really mature seltzer that I would drink in place of any beer.
So go, mix yourself one of these, wink at uncle Alvin, and whisper that you’re drinking for two. What’s holiday cheer if you can’t fuck with your relatives, anyway?
Happy new year all of you beautiful indulgent dumplings. Remember to shop locally, order food delivery straight from the restaurant if you can, tip lots, submit your questions below, and stay safe. I can’t wait until we can all feign pregnancy for fun together in person, and slurp our soup side by side once again.