Thank you! Honestly I’ve never made the potatoes myself. They may only be good if a psychopathic chef serves them to you as a shame kink but I’d like to try to cook them and see.
every time i read about a man's toxic behavior in the past, i have this tendency to believe he was since found dead in a ditch because a 22-year-old woman preferred her age-appropriate boyfriend over him. also, hello??????? what happened to the ethics of keeping your stalking private????????? why would he openly admit to it??????????????
Your writing keeps getting better and better and I love it ❤️
This is pretty tangential, but your essay made me think about gender in relationships (that’s a lie; it’s me, when am I not thinking about gender?):
I’m sorry you’ve had to live as a woman pursuing relationships with men in this fucked up world. I honestly feel really lucky that I’ve never had to do that. Of course my feelings about hetero relationships are colored by my miserable experience of trying to be a man in a hetero relationship (despite all the good aspects of that relationship and the results of it, which I wouldn’t trade for anything).
Queer people do have to deal with the bonus trauma we accumulate by being queer, but at least there is camaraderie in that shared experience.
I’m very fortunate and privileged to live where I do, with the job I have, which allows me to be my real queer trans self and live with the queer trans woman I love. And thank you for always, unwaveringly, unquestioningly supporting me as I grew up and tried to figure out who I am 💗
I love you and love this. I think being a human of any type is a world of navigating assholes and trying to not be an asshole yourself despite the trauma of being treated like shit from assholes. In the kitchen it's this same dichotomy, where chefs feel they have to be assholes to their staff because that was how they were treated coming up, and many of those chefs happen to be men. Of course, gender imbalance in the restaurant industry has always been a problem. But in the kitchen I've seen a shift where more kitchens are lead by women (in NYC at least) and while not all of them are always level headed, I do think there is a shift in the abuse cycle - a more openness to report issues, a celebration of different types of chefs and food, etc. I guess what I'm saying is I try not to blame it all on men. It's the system we need to change together.
I don't feel sorry for any of my experiences though. Maybe in the same way as your queer identity is your journey, I've learned tp be me through these situations. It has made me smarter and more empathetic- but as is life - LOTS more fuck ups to go!
your writing. idk about the potatoes i didn’t make them but they look yum
Thank you! Honestly I’ve never made the potatoes myself. They may only be good if a psychopathic chef serves them to you as a shame kink but I’d like to try to cook them and see.
every time i read about a man's toxic behavior in the past, i have this tendency to believe he was since found dead in a ditch because a 22-year-old woman preferred her age-appropriate boyfriend over him. also, hello??????? what happened to the ethics of keeping your stalking private????????? why would he openly admit to it??????????????
Like most of Lena Dunham’s work, all the characters are toxic, including yourself.
which is why she's the best to ever do it!!!!! imo at least
Your writing keeps getting better and better and I love it ❤️
This is pretty tangential, but your essay made me think about gender in relationships (that’s a lie; it’s me, when am I not thinking about gender?):
I’m sorry you’ve had to live as a woman pursuing relationships with men in this fucked up world. I honestly feel really lucky that I’ve never had to do that. Of course my feelings about hetero relationships are colored by my miserable experience of trying to be a man in a hetero relationship (despite all the good aspects of that relationship and the results of it, which I wouldn’t trade for anything).
Queer people do have to deal with the bonus trauma we accumulate by being queer, but at least there is camaraderie in that shared experience.
I’m very fortunate and privileged to live where I do, with the job I have, which allows me to be my real queer trans self and live with the queer trans woman I love. And thank you for always, unwaveringly, unquestioningly supporting me as I grew up and tried to figure out who I am 💗
I love you and love this. I think being a human of any type is a world of navigating assholes and trying to not be an asshole yourself despite the trauma of being treated like shit from assholes. In the kitchen it's this same dichotomy, where chefs feel they have to be assholes to their staff because that was how they were treated coming up, and many of those chefs happen to be men. Of course, gender imbalance in the restaurant industry has always been a problem. But in the kitchen I've seen a shift where more kitchens are lead by women (in NYC at least) and while not all of them are always level headed, I do think there is a shift in the abuse cycle - a more openness to report issues, a celebration of different types of chefs and food, etc. I guess what I'm saying is I try not to blame it all on men. It's the system we need to change together.
I don't feel sorry for any of my experiences though. Maybe in the same way as your queer identity is your journey, I've learned tp be me through these situations. It has made me smarter and more empathetic- but as is life - LOTS more fuck ups to go!
so good.